


Daisies Of The Galaxy

by gloriousdae



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Daisies of the Galaxy, Eels, M/M, Modern AU, Prompt Fill, and that bites him in the ass, car crash, it's gonna be gay, its gonna be sad, jimmy James is gonna die, thomas is a cock, whoops that was a spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-19 19:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9458198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloriousdae/pseuds/gloriousdae
Summary: Based off the tumblr prompt post:"Whatever you do, don't imagine your otp getting in a fight over the phone and saying mean things to each other and then one getting in a car crash on their way home and dying and the other person having to live the rest of their life regretting the last words they said."It's in a modern AU where everyone's friends except for Thomas and Alexander because duh.





	1. Take Heart, My Little Friend

"Hey, Tommy." James greeted into his phone as he got in his car, "hang on one second, let me get you on the Bluetooth before you start saying something important." He adds, putting his phone on speaker then resting it on his knee as he turned the car on, he other end was rather quiet, unusually quiet, but James shrugged it off, he waited a second then hit a button on the dashboard, connecting his phone to the car. He plugged his phone in to the counsel and then started packing up. "Okay, you're good, what's up?"  
"A lot of things, when will you be home?" Thomas voice asks, filling the car, James shook his head with a smile and turned down the volume slightly, every car in New York City did not need to hear Thomas.  
"Hm, I don't know, Laurens said traffic was bad, so anywhere between ten minutes and ten years." James says with half a laugh, tapping the steering wheel gently as he waited for his turn to pull out of the parking lot into the street.  
"Well I'm hoping I can see you in less than ten years." Thomas says, his voice sounded like it was a forced happiness,  
"Yeah, you should be able to. How're you feeling?" James asks, pulling into the traffic,  
"Shitty, but beside the point, how was your day?"  
James sighed, "Tommy, what's wrong?" He asks,  
"Nothing really, if it's still a thing when you get home, I'll tell you." Thomas says a bit forcefully,  
"Yeah, not happening. Why don't you just tell me now? I just barley got out of the parking lot, not even inching my way down the street." James says, he managed to keep the worry from his time, but it was there still.  
Thomas sighed, and then he was off ranting about Hamilton, James couldn't help but chuckle every now and then, but kept quiet enough that he didn't interrupt Thomas, just adding a few words here and there where he would usually nod, but considering they couldn't see each other nodding was pointless.  
"Thomas, you talk about him so much people might start believing that it's him you're seeing and not me." James says with a laugh, he was clearly joking, teasing, but Thomas must've taken it a completely different way.  
"Really, Jimmy?" Was all James heard for a minute, he waited, he didn't have a response, and knew Thomas would speak again. "You'd like that, I'm sure." He says breaking the silence, James was more than taken aback by the comment.  
"Of course not, Thomas, why would you even think that?" James asks, managing to keep a calm to his tone, he had grown used to Thomas being angry on occasion, it hurt, but still, after knowing him for over twenty years the pain was anything but new.  
"You're always saying shit like that." Thomas states simply  
James waited a beat, wanting to make sure Thomas didn't have anything else to say. "As a joke, Thomas." He says, hoping that would get through to him, knowing it wouldn't.  
"Once or twice it's a joke. Every damn day it's a bit more."  
"You talk about your coworker 'every damn day,' to phrase it as you did." James said, he made air quotes with his left hand as he approached a red light,  
James sighed as Thomas went on, what he was saying completely irrational, he would say things that were more than untrue, like how James must see something in Laurens(which he definitely didn't, it was Thomas that flirted with every human he came in contact with), when James tried to argue back Thomas would cut him off, continue on his angry rant.  
Finally, ten minutes later James cleared his throat, he waited for Thomas to stop talking. "Alrighty, how about you hang up now? I'm about to hit some more heavy traffic so I'm going to need to focus. But I know you're still upset, so why don't oh write down everything upsetting you right now? Take a breath. We'll talk when I get home, which before you ask, will be in about ten minutes. You're going to need to hang up, the button doesn't work anymore." He paused, waiting a moment, Thomas hummed slightly in agreement, understanding. "Alright, I love you, see you at home."  
Thomas mumbled something that sounds like "yeah, sure, whatever." And then the phone tone filled the car for a moment then switched to the music that had been playing earlier, the Eels album Daisies of the Galaxy on shuffle, Selective Memory began to play, one of Thomas' favorite songs on that particular album.  
James sighed, his thoughts drifting to Thomas' words, he had to laugh slightly, he must've had a drink or something, nothing could make James think of anyone else the way he thought of Thomas, and he hoped that his friend would say the same for him.  
He started to hum softly as the song changed to the title track of the album, he loved that song, he didn't understand the story that was being told completely, but he loved it.  
"Soon we'll be far away. Far from the street. Where you learned how to be. Not what..." He ended up singing along, then his voice trailed off as he turned another corner, decided to take the long way home, maybe traffic would be better in that direction.  
His thoughts were soon off of how Thomas was upset, simply on Thomas in general. As well as keeping a good amount of focus on the road ahead.  
But no amount of focus could stop what happened next.  
The world seemed to slow, the song slowed, the next verse seemed to be spoken not sang. Whispered, not at the loudest volume like he had it.  
He felt something stabbing. He felt a pain he couldn't explain. He had been in pain before, quite often, been in and out of the hospital for most of his life. He spent months sometimes, weeks in comas, but nothing, nothing compared to how he felt now. Moments ago the world was normal, but now it was dark. Every sound was enhanced. But he couldn't see. He heard alarms. He heard screams. He heard distant sirens approaching. He heard E's voice singing the bridge. "Watching the movie. The world's gonna end. And there ain't no place for. A boy and his friend to go." Then the world went silent.  
Dark.  
Silent.  
And burning.


	2. But Never Made Another Sound Of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing the depressing-ness of the tumblr prompt. Did you know Thomas and Lafayette were friends? Well now they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't, look up the song Daises Of The Galaxy, you should, as well as the song The Sound Of Fear on the same album. I don't know why that album is the one I picked for this story, but it is. And what I mean by that is I will make a play list, or pick a song/album to write my stories to, sometimes basing plot off them, or dialogue, or just making the song(s) relevant in the story, which I am doing in this one.

Thomas looked at the clock on the stove, it read 6:08, James was usually home by 5:45 when traffic was bad, but never this late, not without calling to let him know first. He had called James three times now. It rang. Never was picked up. He picked up his phone again, but before he had a chance to hit call on James contact(which was appropriately named "Jimmy James") he got another call, without waiting to see who it was he answered it.  
"This is Thomas Jefferson, correct?" The all too familiar voice of James' doctor asks,  
"Of course it is, what's wrong with Jimmy?" He asks immediately, that was the only answer, something was wrong with James.  
"There was a car accident. He was hit in an intersection." The doctor says, he wasn't able to say anything more, Thomas began talking.  
"Yeah, alright, I'll be there in ten minutes. Tops." Thomas says, then hung up.  
Just as he had said, ten minutes later he was pulling into the parking lot of the hospital, he waited a moment before turning off the car, letting the song(The Sound Of Fear) finish, then he got out and went to the emergency room, he knew that's where James would have to be, he hopefully hadn't been there longer than half an hour, not long enough to be moved to a permanent room.  
He went to the desk that was empty, waiting for someone to come talk to him. He glanced to the back, where the actual emergency room was, that's where everyone seemed to be, rushing around in an organized chaos. He felt a sting of panic, some of them could be rushing around due to James. Although, when James was in the hospital he was like his usual self, even while in a coma, quiet, not bothering anyone, he'd get better in the most boring way possible, and go home to Thomas.  
"Sir? Excuse me, sir? What can I help you with this evening?" The nurse that had just sat at the desk asks, it took her a second to catch Thomas' attention.  
"Oh, sorry, I was told that my, hm, well, my friend got in an accident, his name is James Madison." He says, it wasn't often he had to say who he was in to see, this nurse did look young though, so maybe she was new and hadn't had the chance to meet the hospital regular.  
"Mr. Madison isn't able to have guest just yet. I'll alert you when he is." She says kindly, pulling up his records on the computer monitor in front of her.  
"Can you tell me what happened? Dr. Robert called and told me there was a car accident, I didn't let him explain." Thomas says,  
"All I have here is his car was hit on the driver's side in an intersection not too far from here." The nurse reads off, paraphrasing obviously.  
"He'll be okay, right?" Thomas asks simply,  
The nurse was quiet for a second, then gave a defeated shrug, "I can't say. He's not my patient, I work in pediatrics, my patient is about forty years younger." She says with a forced but friendly laugh,  
"Alright, thank you. Will you send someone who does know his condition if you can?" Thomas asks,  
"Yes of course." The nurse says then stands, returning to her work in the back.  
Thomas went over to one of the highly uncomfortable waiting room chairs he had grown used to. He had been coming and sitting in these uncomfortable chairs since his early teens when he first befriended James. James was even smaller then, if that could be believed. But the last time he was in one of these chairs without knowing conditions, James was with him. They couldn't tell him what was wrong with Martha, but let him back there finally when they learned they couldn't fix it.  
Thomas could think about that. James was t going to leave. Not yet. He'd told him. Promised him. That's why he had that forth ring in his necklace. One was his wedding ring, one his wife's, her engagement ring, and then a promise ring James had gotten him. It was similar to a wedding band, but unlike Thomas' it was silver. James would've loved to marry Thomas, but he never even asked, and Thomas knew why, and he was so thankful that he didn't. Thomas had promised Martha he'd never remarry, and James respected that promise.  
No, Thomas couldn't let his thoughts wander that far, to Martha, Jane, Peter, Lucy, he was shaking his head, he couldn't think of them, because that couldn't happen to James. James was younger, sure he was always sick, but didn't his age mean he'd die after Thomas? Thomas knew James would be able to handle him leaving better than he could.  
Thomas sighed, his thoughts weren't working. He took out his phone, went to the clock app and glanced at the Paris time, 3:26 AM. He left that app and went to his contacts, hitting the one that was titled "My Favorite Frenchman" and called him.  
"Bonjour, mon ami, what is it?" The familiar french voice says from the phone after three rings, sounding tired, like he just woke up, Thomas ignored that.  
"I'm at the hospital. James got in an accident, I was just wondering if you could talk?" Thomas asks, shaking his head at himself, God he sounded so needy, he hated that.  
"Oui, of course, what 'appended to our James?" The Frenchman asks,  
"There was a car accident." Thomas says simply, Lafayette waited a moment to see if he'd say something more, he didn't.  
"His car got hit, from what I gathered. No one has been able to tell me much, I only just got here ten about ten minutes ago." Thomas explained,  
"What time is it for you? Two weeks 'ere and I'm back to their time." He says, Thomas couldn't tell, but it was the beginning of the Frenchman trying to change the subject.  
"It is..." Thomas paused looking around the room for a clock, "6:31. I'm sorry for waking you up, I just-"  
"Do not be sorry, mon ami, it is fine. I am fine waking up to talk to a friend. I am glad you called."  
Thomas sighed in relief at that, yes, Lafayette would assure him this every time he called him when he was home, but he still got worried. He'd never tell anyone that besides James, but the Frenchman wasn't stupid, he could figure things out on his own.  
"What do you want to talk about? To keep your mind off the 'ospital you are in now?" He continued, Thomas missed the middle of what he said, but shrugged it off,  
"Well, I don't know, anything." Thomas says, he felt like the answer was useless, but Lafayette did not.  
"Mm, oh! Well, today I went with Adrienne to go see 'er parents..." the Frenchman started to go into great detail about his day, sometimes switching to french to make a point he just though English couldn't make, going back and forth between the languages made it so Thomas had to focus more on the words. The Frenchman knew this. Thomas was fluent in both languages, could have a conversation in both. But with the rapid switching he had to really listen, not let his thoughts drift off. Half an hour passed and he heard the Frenchman yawn.  
"Mon ami, why don't you go back to bed? It should be about four for you, I will be fine." Thomas says after the Frenchman finished,  
"Alright, do not spend your time worrying about James too much. 'E will be fine. 'E always is." Lafayette says, then Thomas heard the tone that said he hung up. He sighed decided to pick up one of the shitty magazines, they had gotten new ones since the last time he was there, but they were just as shitty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm offended, the website doesn't support emojis. But there was originally emojis by the contact names.  
> James had a Purple Heart because Thomas' favorite color is purple and James is his favorite person.  
> And Lafayette had the french flag and blue heart because Thomas let him make his own contact, and Thomas just left it.  
> Anyway.  
> Emojis should be allowed.


	3. Could There Really Be Such Happiness?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets a bit wonky with perspective, but I'll let you know, it goes from Lafayette to John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look up the song Jeanie's Diary, it's great and I don't even know why I named this chapter after it. But I did.

Lafayette had been frowning the whole time on the phone with his friend, despite his happy tone of voice. He knew how to get Thomas to listen when he didn't want to, he just wished he could be there. He sighed after a moment, it was only seven in America, not late at all, so he decided to call someone that could be there.  
"Gilbert! Why're you up?" John's happy voice asks, Lafayette chuckled and put the phone on speaker, John was loud, he didn't want him right by his ear, so instead the french man held the phone about six inches from his mouth.  
"Thomas called me, woke me up." Lafayette explains,  
"Oh? What was the reason for that unpleasant surprise?" Came a second voice, one he knew was Alexander's.  
"Shush up, James is in the 'ospital, I was wondering if you could go check on 'im, mon petite?" Lafayette says, he heard Alexander sigh, he only ever addressed John as "mon petite."  
"Huh, alright. Scale from one to ten, how upset is Jefferson?" John asks,  
"Angry upset? Three, at the most. Upset in general, twelve." Lafayette says thinking for only a moment,  
"Oh wonderful!" Alexander says sarcastically,  
"Leave 'im at 'ome." Lafayette says jokingly,  
"No can do, Frenchie, he's in my car." Alexander says,  
"We'll go there, go to bed, I'll text you when we have any news." John says,  
"Merci, mon petite." Lafayette says then hung up.  
"Do we have to go check on him?" Alexander whines,  
"Yes, not for Jefferson, for Laffy." John says, Alexander sighed but nods, making a u-turn and going in the direction of the hospital.  
The two young men were walking into the emergency room, John had texted Thomas, telling him he was coming(but not mentioning Alexander), so Thomas was both surprised and not when he saw them.  
"Good evening, Thomas, any news?" John asks walking over and sitting across from him, Alexander sitting right by John.  
"None." Thomas says simply, glaring at Alexander,  
"I needed a ride, my car broke down this morning, the lyft app hates me, Alexander gave me a ride." John explains, Thomas gave a small nod.  
"Why don't we pretend we don't hate each other? Just for the evening?" Alexander asks, John gave him a small smile, happy his boyfriend was making an effort.  
"Fine with me." Thomas says, Alexander sighed, he wished for some sort of answer to build a conversation off of, but he was clearly not getting one.  
"You must be pretty used to hospitals, huh? I personally hate the place. Never did me much good." Alexander says casually,  
"I have a love hate relationship with them." Thomas says, Alexander had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.  
"Are you going to say anything constructive? Or just mope?" Alexander asks  
"I am not moping, just thinking." Thomas says,  
Alexander sighed, it was useless, this man was harder to talk to than the damn chair he was sitting in. This was the sixth time that John dragged him to the hospital because of James, and John knew he hated hospitals. Ever since his mother died he's hated them. John was the only one he'd told about that, and yet, here he was, making a sixth trip to the emergency room because of his bitchy coworker's sick "friend." It was rather obvious they weren't friends, and Alexander hated how Thomas tried to keep it a secret. Alexander hated a lot about Thomas, but that was one of the top things. Another thing was how Thomas acted, he couldn't pick an emotion and stick with it. He would be happy and cheerful in a meeting, and then he'd be ready to kill whoever upset him(which Alexander had to admit it was usually him that upset his coworker).  
"Where were you today?" John asks after a few minutes of quiet,  
"I decided to work from home today." Thomas says simply,  
"How's that system working? I can't get it to work." Alexander says,  
"That is because you try to use it after getting home from work. You have been cut out of parts of the system." Thomas says,  
"How'd you know that?" Alexander asks  
"I'm smart, I hear things from higher offices." Thomas says with a shrug,  
John sighed and stood up, going to the desk.  
"Hello, miss, hm, does that say Jeannie?" John greets, squinting to look at the microscopic name tag on the women's scrubs,  
"It does, what can I help you with, mister..."  
"John Laurens. I was wondering if you have any updates on a patient James Madison?" He asks politely,  
"Hang on one second." The woma-Jeanie says, "your relation?"  
John was quiet for a second, looking over at Thomas, "my uncle." He lied, he knew she wouldn't give him any information if he was honest, coworker wouldn't get him anywhere. "Well, not exactly my uncle, you see, my father was good friends with him all my life, I see him as more an uncle than a family friend, does that make sense?" He adds quickly,  
"Of course it does." Jeanie says, scrolling through the computer and clicking something, "he's under anesthesia currently."  
"Did he have a surgery?" John asks before she could continue,  
"No, just minor procedures, but due to the injuries it was safer to put him under." Jeanie says,  
"Anything else? My-" John paused, looking over at Thomas and Alexander, "my father is worried sick about him, so anything you can tell me would be great."  
"He got hit pretty bad. The chances of him waking up and resuming to his normal life are slim." Jeanie says with a frown,  
"And the chances of him waking up in general?" John presses,  
"Slim, but not as much so. Usually he would have a high chance of survival, but do to other conditions, he doesn't." Jeanie says, then covers her mouth, "I'm not supposed to be the one to say that." She says shaking her head,  
"Hey, its alright, I won't tell tho-my father, I'll let the doctor who is trained to do such do their job, how much were you supposed to tell me?" John asks, he had gently placed a hand on her shoulder,  
"Everything but the survival." Jeanie says taking a breath, John moved his hand away,  
"Thank you, miss Jeanie." John says with a smile then went back over to Alexander and Thomas,  
"What'd to you find out?" Thomas asks,  
"Well his under anesthesia currently, not for surgery but just so he is unharmed while they fix him up." John says sitting beside Alexander again,  
"Anything else?" Thomas asks,  
"Might've lied about relations." John says with a shrug,  
"What sort of lies?" Alexander asks,  
"Well, from my experience, coworker isn't a good enough title to know how someone is doing, so I said he was a close family friend that I thought like an uncle." John says,  
"And?" Thomas asks  
"How do you know there's an and?" John asks, but then nods, "yes, and I said you were my father, I don't know why, but I did."  
"Ew, he's my father-in-law?" Alexander asks shaking his head,  
John laughs, and shook his head, "we aren't married yet, Alexander." He says,  
"Give it a month." Alexander says with a smirk,  
"Are they still working on him?" Thomas asks,  
"She didn't say, maybe?" John says shrugging,  
Thomas nods, "I'll go ask in a few minutes, if anything important happened I'd be told." He says,  
Then a silence fell between the three, the younger two on their phones, Thomas with a shitty magazine.  
"Thomas?" Alexander asks a few minutes later,  
"What is it?" Thomas asks not looking up from the magazine.  
"How many times have you been in this position? Waiting for information on James?" Alexander asks hesitantly,  
"Too many." Thomas answers immediately, "why?"  
"I don't know, just wondering." Alexander says with a shrug, "was it like that with your wife?"  
"Don't talk about Martha." Thomas snaps  
"It was just a question. I know I heard from somewhere she had a tendency to be ill, I just asked s question." Alexander says,  
"She was never as ill as James was, never as often, but she had her times." Thomas says, the harshness from his time gone, it was almost fond.  
"You've got a thing for sick people." Alexander says jokingly, but his smile dropped when he saw a frown from John.  
"No, it just happens that both of them aren't the healthiest people." Thomas says, usually he'd defend any comment made about him and James, but wasn't in the mood to currently.  
"How many other sick girls have you hit up?" Alexander asks, ignoring John now,  
"Only Martha. She wasn't ill when we got married, she started getting sick after Jane was born." Thomas says quietly,  
"And Jane would be your oldest?" Alexander asks,  
Thomas nods, "She is my oldest." He corrects,  
"Yes, of course, you have three children, right?" Alexander asks,  
"Yes, Jane, Peter, and Lucy." Thomas lists off, "Lucy would be your boy's age, Peter your girl's." He adds, nodding first to Alexander then John.  
"And how much older would Jane be?" John asks  
"Three years older than Peter." Thomas says,  
"Would like ever consider adopting a kid? Or something like that?" Alexander asks,  
"No. I've got enough to worry about with James." He says forcing a smile, "I'm better off without kids, if I was supposed to have kids they would be around."  
"Guess that's logical enough." John says with a shrug,  
"You just seem like the type of person who'd like to have a kid of their own." Alexander says,  
"It was Martha that wanted kids, not me." Thomas says,  
"Alright." Alexander says with a slight nod,  
Silence fell between the three again, all resuming to what they had been doing. Alexander knew that whatever moment that was just had would never return, Thomas would try to forget it happened. John had been texting Lafayette, he wasn't allowed to let Thomas know James status, but Lafayette was in France, it wasn't going to effect him too much.


	4. It's A Motherfucher, Being Here Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like being sad!  
> Also, I strayed away from the prompt, I gave James a happy ending. I couldn't do it. I tried. I couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the song It's A Motherfucker is the song to this chapter. You'll get it.

Thirty minutes had passed and the silence stayed. Thomas was growing restless, his left hand pulling at his necklace, messing with the rings there, the small chimes filling the silent waiting room.  
"Thomas, hey, they're trying to talk to you." Alexander says, taping his knee gently.  
Thomas jumped in his seat and dropped his hand, looking up at the all too familiar doctor.  
"Thomas, you can come back and see James now, he's awake, but he quiet, he's not doing too well." Dr. Robert says, Thomas nods and set down the magazine, standing and following the doctor to the temporary room James was in. He ignored the other two, who were just fine with that, although John wouldn't let Alexander leave.  
His heart broke when he saw James. He didn't look as bad as he thought, just cuts on his head and scraps here and there, but that wasn't what hurt Thomas. The machines. There was so many machines beeping, blinking. He tried his best to ignore the IVs he saw, tried his best to look at his friend, his James, like normal, but he couldn't see past the machines. When he first came to the hospital to visit James, in eighth grade, it was weird, awkward, but he got better at it as years went on, he was fine now. But now. The actual now. The now that was happening, not the now as in recent years. It was impossible now for Thomas to look at him like he always did.  
"Hey, Tommy." James greeted weakly, waving the Doctor out of the room as Thomas sat down in the chair beside James' bed.  
"How're you feeling?" Thomas asks with a forced smile.  
"As well as I can be with this many needles and monitors on me." James says with a shrug that appeared to be painful.  
"Do you remember what happened?" Thomas asks trying not to look at where James was injured, which would mean not looking at him, and he couldn't do that, so he focused on his face as best he could.  
"You don't want to know." James says simply, which was more than true, Thomas didn't want to know what happened, he just wanted to know James would be fine. James would be coming home tomorrow. James would be moved to a more private room for the night. James would be fine. "Hey, space boy, don't have your thoughts pull you too far." James says weakly snapping his fingers to catch Thomas' attention.  
"When can you come home?" Thomas asks, hoping the answer would be tomorrow, or even something so unspecific like soon.  
"I won't be, Thomas." James says with a sad tone, reaching out a hand to take one of Thomas', holding onto him gently, tracing circles on his knuckles gently with his thumb.  
"W-what do you mean?" Thomas asks in a barley shaky tone, he wanted to both pull his hand away and hold James, he knew he couldn't do either.  
"Thomas, they'd have to give me surgery."  
"Then have it!"  
"It'd take weeks, maybe months, for a full recovery."  
"I'll take time off work and help you."  
"Thomas, it's useless." James says, trying to calm the growing panic that he Thomas had, but those words only helped it become worse.  
"It's not... it can't be... James, they must have you on some sort of painkillers that make you loopy." Thomas says, fighting back tears now, James was doing the same, but less obvious.  
"I request not to have any painkillers of the sort, you know that. I haven't taken medicine that makes me, as you said 'loopy' since high school." James says calmly, squeezing Thomas' hand weakly,  
"Then what're you talking about?" Thomas asks softly,  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Thomas." James says,  
"I... I don't want to. You can't..." Thomas manages to say it loudly enough for James to hear, but just barley,  
"I've been fighting it for years now, you know that. You're smart, Thomas, you know exactly what's going on, don't pretend you don't. It'll make it harder." James says shaking his head slightly,  
"It doesn't have to be happening at all. You've been fighting it for years, keep going..." Thomas whispers,  
"Thomas, please, just listen to what I'm saying and stop trying to negotiate around it. Please." James says, and waited a moment to see if Thomas would say anything, he didn't. "You know that I've been... I've been right on edge before... but this time... I'm not going to step back, or forward, I'm going to wait, see what happens and... and god damn it, Thomas, don't make waiting this painful." He continued, he had been on the verge of tears and was crying now.  
"Why?" Thomas asks simply,  
"I'm tired of trying to avoid it. But I'm not leaving you on purpose, okay? If I wanted to rid of you there are a lot easier ways then dying." James says shaking his head slightly,  
"And you're not sticking around for me either." Thomas says with a frown.  
James shook his head, "that's not at all true, you know that would never be true. No one has ever purposely tried to leave you. You know that. Please know that. I love you and hate doing this to you but if you love me you won't hold this against me. You didn't hold it against Martha, so why treat me differently if you're true to your word? Your word being you love me the same way you love her." James says, managing to speak as clearly as he could through tears and a shaking voice.  
"I know... I won't... but with Martha, I had you, you helped me, but who-"  
"You have other friends, Laurens, Lafayette, even Hamilton, honestly." James says, taking Thomas' other hand.  
"None of them are you... no one is you... no one will ever be you." Thomas says looking at their hands for a second then back to James,  
"I know, you already have one promise to Martha, but I want you to promise me one thing, okay?" James asks, he waits for a nod, then continued, "you promised Martha you'd never remarry but not never to fall in love again, I know she didn't ask for that, because if she did you would've listened, and I'm not going to ask you that either. I want you to be happy, okay? I know it's hard for you, but try it. Not right away, you don't have to right away, but at least make in effort, maybe a few months from now, okay? And hey, even put yourself out there and try to fall in love again. Just promise me you'll try, okay? You'll make an effort to try and smile after I'm gone?"  
There was silence between the two, then Thomas finally nods a few minutes later.  
"I'll try." He says softly,  
"Promise?"  
"Yeah, I promise I'll try."  
"Thank you, Thomas." James says, then let go of his hands, his own shaking slightly, "come a bit closer, please." James says, Thomas nods and scooted his chair closer to the bed. James leaned forward and with his shaking hands he undid the clasp on the necklace, carefully moving it from Thomas' neck.  
"What're you doing?" Thomas asks confused, watching James, who took off his ring and added it to the necklace.  
"Exactly what it looks like." James says trying to put the necklace back on Thomas, but his shaking hands made him drop one end, the rings falling off and rolling on the floor, the chain handing in his left hand.  
"It's okay, I'll get them." Thomas says, getting up and quickly collecting the rings, and returning to his seat, "let me do it, Jimmy." He adds, holding his hand out for the chain. Thomas quickly threaded the now five rings, and then put it back on. "But why?"  
"I just want you to have it." James says shaking his head gently, "I just want it to stick with you. I want you to remember me as much as you remember Martha, can you do that for me?" He asks, his voice shaking as much as his hands,  
Thomas nods and took James' hands again. "Of course I can, you don't even have to ask." He says, he was crying now but ignored it, they were both crying, but that was the least of their problems.  
"I just had to make sure." James says, "I love you so much, Thomas, you're the only person I've ever fallen for and I'm so happy that you are. You're my best friend, and I don't know what I'd do without you. I don't know how long I would've hung on if we never became friends. I don't want to know either. I'm perfectly happy knowing that I have you, have had you, and you'll always have me, you'll have that ring that I've been wearing for ten years straight so it was practically a part of me, and you'll have it."  
"James, I can't say it better than you, never have been able to, but I love you too, I love you just as much, I wouldn't be here if I didn't have you stopping me. Convincing me to stay." Thomas says gently squeezing James' hands,  
"And you remember what I've told you, every single damn time you've tried to take your life the next time you want to. I hope that you don't want to. But you remember it if you ever do. If you ever do you'll call someone, Lafayette, Laurens, anyone, you just call them." James says, his voice shaking so much, his hands only stable because of Thomas' grip.  
"You're making me promise so much." Thomas says with a forced joking tone,  
"And you're telling me you can't?" James asks with the same tone as Thomas'  
"Of course I can. And I will." Thomas says, he had a small smile now, a genuine one.  
"Good. Because if I see you before I'm meant to, well, I won't be able to kill you, so I'll just ignore you." James says,  
"Well that's one sure way to keep me alive. Thomas says shaking his head,  
"It better be."  
"How you feeling now?" Thomas asks,  
"So much better but in so much pain." James says with a forced smile,  
"Can I do anything?"  
James shook his head, "nothing more than what you're doing now. Just being here." He says weakly,  
Thomas nods, he couldn't think of anything to say, so he let a silence fall. Well, it wasn't silent. The monitors beeped steadily, the chatter in the hall outside was loud, but the quiet between them was comfortable, James was shaking still, Thomas had his hands in a firm yet gentle grip.  
The next few moments went by so quick yet so slow.  
James' eyes closed, Thomas couldn't tear his own eyes off him. James gave a small gasp, while Thomas held his breath. And then the steady beeping stopped, it became one tone, never stopping. James stopped shaking but Thomas started. His hands were still, still held in Thomas'. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't move. But doctors came in, Dr. Robert and a man he didn't know.  
It was all a blur from there, Thomas pushed out of the room, away from James.  
It was all a numb blur.  
He was pushed out to the waiting room.  
But it wasn't till he was in the car that he started being able to think again. John was driving, Alexander following in his car.  
"I know I've said this a thousand times, but I'm sorry about James." John's voice finally reached his ears,  
"I don't... I don't wanna talk right now, okay? I'm just going to turn on the radio." Thomas manages to say, plugging his phone in snd letting the musical that was playing before start again. It was still the Eels, still the album Daisies Of The Galaxy. The song that played, Its A Motherfucker, it stung, but he couldn't change it, couldn't move.  
"It's a motherfucker. Being here without you. Thinking 'bout the good times. Thinking 'bout the bad. And I won't ever be the same." The broken voice that belonged to E sang.  
"Do we have to listen to this?" John asks, but the words weren't understood by Thomas, just heard.  
"It's a motherfucker. Getting through a Sunday. Talking to the walls. Just me again. But I won't ever be the same. I won't ever be the same." The words of the next verse sang, Thomas was crying again, John stayed quiet now.  
"It's a motherfucker. How much i understand. The feeling that you need someone. To take you by the hand. And you won't ever be the same. You won't ever be the same." And the song finished, the slow piano continuing till it faded.  
It hadn't set in yet. James. No. Just no. Thomas couldn't. James wasn't.  
"Thomas? Hey, please make some sort of acknowledgement of my voice." John says after they pulled into the driveway, Thomas' car in its spot, Alexander's car pulling into the spot James always parked.  
"Johnny, just let the man be alone and sad. It's how he likes to be anyway." Alexander says with a shrug as John got out of the car.  
"Alexander!" John hissed with a worried glance at Thomas, who was still in the car, frozen.  
"Well it's true, he wouldn't want to be happy. I bet you he's glad you has an excuse to mope about." Alexander says loudly.  
Thomas got out of the car now and went over to where Alexander and Peggy were.  
"If you are implying that I wanted James... to... then you are stupider than I thought. If you could please leave, that would be wonderful." Thomas says in a broken voice, Alexander had a smirk.  
Thomas turned towards his house and went in. What he was going to do, he didn't know, but he didn't want to be around anyone, especially Hamilton and Laurens.

"He'll be his normal dick bag self soon enough." Alexander says with a shrug going into his car.  
"That was a bit much, making him get upset like that." John says getting in the passenger seat.  
"It was, I'll admit, cruel, but needed." Alexander says pulling out of the driveway and going home.

**Author's Note:**

> You should look up the song Daisies of the Galaxy and listen to it, just saying.  
> E is the nickname of the man who sung and wrote the song(and pretty much everything else performed by the Eels). His full name is Mark Oliver Evertt.


End file.
